My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
