Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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