Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
