Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize