Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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