i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize