So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
