Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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