Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
