I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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