Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
