I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
