I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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