Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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