i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
