I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I lost the right to judge tonight
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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