Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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