Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
