Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
