Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
