I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
