She is in my trunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
