I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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