when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have aggressive nipples.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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