I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
