guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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