____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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