wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize