Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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