Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My vagina just clenched in fear
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
