I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
