Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
