I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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