Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
