i think my tv is drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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