she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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