I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
