I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
