So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
