Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
