i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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