we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
