there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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