Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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