too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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