Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
