What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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