if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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