ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
