he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
cat food counts as protein by the way
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
