Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
