This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
