Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
