Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize