the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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