If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
