guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
