shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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