I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize