So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
