one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
