he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
