JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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